Introduction of How To Deal With A Bad Relationship

"How To Save Your Relationship"

7 Skills to Cope and Enhance Your Life

Introduction

Your Journey Back To Happiness

You are tired of hurting. You realize you have been living on a roller coaster where one minute you are up, and the next your are down. At the middle of this very strange ride you have discovered that the person you love and have chosen to be with is the one who is at the controls of this roller coaster of life. You have always thought of yourself as a normal person. You have never been diagnosed with a psychosis of any sort, so why have you ended up living with this person whom you have a pet name for of “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde”?

The realization has hit you that something has got to change. You don’t know what; you just know you are hurting to the point that it is affecting your work and your relationships. Maybe you have cut yourself away from your friends and family, something that frequently happens because either your partner has figured out he or she has to separate you, or you are feel so shameful that you are embarrassed to be near them.

I remember when I felt this shame and hurt, I started losing weight. I knew I was in trouble. I called my sister for lunch. We met and I ordered a hamburger and fries. It was a chore to eat about a third of the burger and forget the fries. They were pasty. I tried to put on a brave front for her, and she wouldn’t say anything at all. She didn’t judge. She didn’t say, “I’ll kill him!” She didn’t say, “Leave him now.” She just listened. She told me I needed to figure all this out on my own. It wasn’t that she was unsympathetic. Just the opposite, yet she realized that the best way to help me was to point out that it was me who had to do something. Of course if she could have waved her magic wand and taken my hurt away, she would have. She was wise. She accepted that this was my problem, and that she would always be there to listen, but ultimately I would be the one to straighten out my life.

It seems like ages ago now. I survived, and believe myself to be a better person either in spite of it, or because of it. I’ve often wondered which, but the main thing is I survived it and rose above it. If anyone would have told me back then, that I would ever be happy, I would not have believed them. The hurt, pain, frustration, anger, shame and humiliation was overwhelming. I could feel the pain physically in my stomach. I would lie in bed at night willing God to take me so that I could be at peace finally. The strange thing was, I was only 29 years old. How did I find myself in that place? The answer is simple. I fell in love with the funnest guy around. He was handsome, friendly, and romantic, and he loved me too.

When we love that deeply, we set ourselves up for a lot of pain. That’s ok, though, because you have to remember, we also set ourselves up for the greatest joy we will ever know. I wished I’d have had some coping skills back then. I wished I would have learned how to react to him in a better way. I keep telling myself I was so young, but that’s not true. I did not learn, and I did not try to learn. Some relationships are worth saving, and of course, some are not. We all have to make that choice individually. But, if you learn some coping and reactionary skills, you will find that the answers could very well lie in your own responses.

Get yourself a notebook to write in. You will be putting many of your thoughts on paper throughout this course. We have provided blank pages at the end of this book, or you can use a separate notebook, but writing it all down will journalize your journey through recovery and the road back to happiness and contentment.

Did you notice in the title I say “Journey” to happiness? You won’t be just walking down any old road; I’m going to take you on a journey down many different roads that will have many stops and starts, changes and enhancements. It will be a journey, one that if taken correctly can bring joy beyond belief.

Be sure to make notes in the margins of this book as you read it. Read the chapter, then re-read it. Do the assignments. Yes, you will have assignments. As in school, you learn by doing, so we will take each day as it comes with new assignments that will be fun and enlightening as well as challenging and ones you won’t really want to do. Underline important thoughts that will help in your road to turning this bad relationship into a great one!

Let’s begin by talking about some of the signs of a bad relationship. You can probably name many of these, but you main be surprised to learn that the signs of a bad relationship are related to your feelings about the relationship. How do you feel every single day? Are most of your day’s bad ones? Do you tense up when he/she walks in the room bracing for the next fight? Are you constantly finding fault in everything they say or do figuring there is an ulterior motive for it? Do you have any good times anymore? Do you laugh with one another? Ever?

If you answered yes to many of these, you can safely say this relationship is not going well; therefore, in order to get past this pain I will ask you to turn your heart, mind, soul and attitude for the future. In this book we will work through the many steps you will take on your journey to your future. We will talk about what your future may look like and what you want it to look like. We will work through the anger and suffering you are experiencing right now, and we will begin the healing process. It will all be worth it. You need help, and I will help you. Our mates have much power over us because of our love for them. We will work through this and come out happier. Let’s get started with Coping Skill #1.....

"Most people would rather be certain they are miserable, than risk being happy."

Robert Anthony

Results are individualized not guaranteed.